Thoughts inspired by Nausea by Jean-Paul Sartre

So here I am again, writing, letting the words float free like a river. I´ve been thinking a lot about rivers lately. How they run free like the clouds in the sky. I went out this morning and found myself drawn to these clouds that were there. But it wasn´t like I wanted them to be there, I wanted to remove them. I wanted the sun to come out and radiate me with its beaming shines. Look at me sitting here writing about just nothing, and still there is something deeper more profound to this post than all the rest I´ve written on here. I think I´ve been affected by Nausea written by Jean-Paul Sartre. All this philosophical stuff has started to get to me. I think I am in that kind of place now when I just need to let the words come out of me. They have been screaming to come out, and not just these words, but all that I´m feeling inside. To be able to find it though can be hard. It´s not like they can just come up whenever you want them to, they have a life of their own. That´s how I interpret the section of the book I´m reading now.

I wasn´t even going to start writing this, but it just came to me. When I sat on the balcony, another beginning started to take its form, but as soon as I sat down here my fingers started writing something new, like they had a will of their own, and there´s nothing I can do about it. I can just come along on the ride seeing where it leads me. That´s the interesting part. You´re not even aware of what is happening to you, you just keep on writing and it´s not until afterwards that you can read it and reflect on it, like you are someone else. Not the same person who just wrote it.

I just realised that I was going through some kind of a ghostly mission. In search for a piece of paper. Something that I could use scribbling down my idéas and thoughts. I came up in vain and caved in to the computer. All these lost thoughts, and they can just be replaced by new ones. New words and new idéas. I feel it like my well at the moment is filled, where it used to be quite empty. I just need to fill it up more often. It is a relief to start writing again. I´ve always felt the need for it and it gives me such a joy and pleasure. Especially when it floats, when I can just sit down and just write. I don´t even have to give it much thought. That´s what I´m doing now.

I have often wondered why I was placed on this earth. A sort of morbid thinking, but still it has lingered there. I ´ve always felt like I needed to tell a story. To have a purpose in life. Even my dreams are storytelling, usually in form of a movie. The fiction and the reality blends and comes together. I´ve got several stories in my head, and it just needs to be written down. I think I´ve finally found my inner peace for the moment at least. I haven´t had that in a while and I´ve been drifting apart, floating among the skies. I just felt today that for the first time in a long time I know where I´m heading and what led me to this moment. I had to be at a certain place in order to find it. A place where my soul could be nurtured and complete. And there is nothing like that, that moment of satisfaction.

In Cold Blood by Truman Capote

The first time I heard of the name Truman Capote and the book In Cold Blood was when the movie Capote came out with Philip Seymour Hoffman. I thought the movie was excellent and it was a well-deserved Oscar that Philip Seymour Hoffman got for his amazing performance as Truman Capote. The movie got me interested in his book In Cold Blood, but it wasn´t until I started this blog that I finally read the book. I loved how it was built up. It was like reading a fictional story allthough you know that it´s a true story. In a way that is hard to describe I felt so drawn to the writing. I didn´t need to stop and ponder over each sentence, but the more I read, the more I wanted to know where the writing would take me. Would I be able to find a certain pattern within the text or just let it come to me in no specific way? This must sound very confusing, but I kind of embraced this idéa of reading. It was exciting and I just let the story come to me without thinking about it too much.
I didn´t feel the need to analyse every single page, but just embrace the book in a bigger spectrum.

I learned and experienced a non-fictional story as a fictional story by the way Truman Capote mastered it with his great story-telling. I love it when I can discover something new. A new look and way of reading a book. That has always fascinated me. Usually it´s more about the feeling and the style of the writing that gets me interested in a book. That´s why I like to read books by the same author, but I also find it exciting to enter new worlds that I never would have thought of if it hadn´t been for Benicio and this blog.

I liked how Truman outlined the plot. We got to know all the people, the main as well as the ones that only showed up once or twice in the book. The humanity in the book was one of the main things that I loved. To be able to tell a story without passing judgement, and just let the whole story be told as it was experienced by all the people involved. There´s a reason why I won´t reveal the plot of this book, I want you to become interested in the book and form your own opinion while reading it. If I tell you too much, it won´t be much left to read and discover on your own.

A late Midsummer writing

Hello again!

It´s been awhile since I wrote something on this blog. But I haven´t stopped with my mission. I still read and I´ve actually finished reading these books now:

* Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad
* Fiesta: The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway
* In Cold Blood by Truman Capote

I´m now halfway through the book Nausea by Jean-Paul Sartre. I´ve got a lot of notes lying around just waiting for me to get to them. I will probably have to seperate them and write little by little on this blog. Especially Heart of Darkness, that book really had a profound way into my heart and soul as well as my mind. I just loved the way Joseph Conrad expressed himself in this book. Each sentence was just soo wonderful and I kept interupting myself by reading the same sentence over and over, just because it was soo beautiful. I will come back to that book later on in another post.

What I´m going to bring up now is actually something that I picked up reading and listening to Benicio Del Toro´s interviews. He spoke about what he appreciate in people. The words that kind of spoke to me the most were: "the ability to see that everyone is different, that you can be smart in different ways". He continued speaking about how he dislikes when people generate something or someone, that it either has to be this or that. I would like to add to that, it´s generally not how you are as a person or where you are from that says who you are or where you belong. It´s generally how other people sees you or their perception of you. Then we have people who doesn´t see it that way, or they don´t even think about for an example where you are from or what you look like. They can see something beyond the horizon or the sky. I´ve recently had such an experience and it´s wonderful to be around that kind of attitude. It´s like being in the presence of the sun and its beaming sunshine.